Always Now
In E.L. Doctorow’s novel about the Civil War, The March, there is a minor character who has a spike thrust through his skull during battle. Miraculously he lives, but the spike is pressing on a part of his brain that affects his memory. His memory is so badly affected, he cannot even remember what he spoke 10 seconds before. At one point, it becomes too much for him and he cries out, “I can’t remember. It’s always now.” His attending physician, who has seen nothing but pain and suffering for four years, thinks to himself, “Everything is now for all of us.”
I have had two encounters in recent days with people who reminded me of my past. In the first case, I met a woman here in Oklahoma who lived in the same small town in Alabama I lived in 25 years ago. She graduated from the high school that was just a few blocks from my home while I was there. That simple connection catapulted me back in time. I thought of my close friends, of trips to the beach, of late night Trivia marathons. Then, yesterday I had lunch with a woman who went to school in Kentucky where I’m from and for a few months lived in the city I lived in. Again, I was transported back to my own college days at the University of Kentucky. I could see myself walking the campus and hanging out with my friends. I thought of drives through the Appalachian mountains where my family went sometimes to camp. These are all memories that helped form me.
In both those places, south Alabama and Kentucky, I have sad and painful memories as well. They have also formed me in powerful ways. It’s true we live in the present. “It’s always now.” Yet my present (unless I become like the character in the novel) will always be instructed by my past, my encounters and joys, my failures and sorrows. The past makes the now possible. The past cannot be changed. However, today, in the always now, I have opportunity to form my future because today’s encounters form tomorrow’s memories.
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Hey, your dad gave me the link to your site. Really good stuff. I enjoyed the reminders in this one about today making tomorrow’s memories. Glad you’ve discovered you.