Interior View
It has taken me a life time to figure out what I enjoy and what I’m good at. Actually, I’m still not completely there, but I’m getting closer. I enjoy the artistic expression of photography and I enjoy writing. Some of you have said I’m good at these things. Thank you. It may be that it takes a life time to get good enough at something in order to finally enjoy it, but I think it’s more than that. I think being good at something involves more than simply trying hard or even practicing a lot. Somewhere in the formula has to be the internal ingredients of passion and ability.
When I was growing up I often heard, “You can be whatever you want to be,” or “If you think you can, you can.” I mistook that to mean I should look beyond myself to see what good things there were in the world that I could become. I wanted to be like my father with his great mechanical mind and ability to craft anything with his hands. Today, I can tinker with tools, but they are clumsy in my hands compared to his. I wanted to be a scholar and share my wisdom with young minds hungry for truth. I achieved my Ph.D. but taught only sporadically. I wanted to be a minister walking with others as they sought spiritual truth along their life journeys. I did that for many years, but the sense of satisfaction was fleeting. All of these were good things, and I don’t look on them with regret. However, each seemed to miss crucial interior ingredients.
For some people like me it takes a life time to figure out what we enjoy and what we’re good at because it takes that long for us to accept ourselves for who we are. When I was young, I looked at external possibilities to see who and what I could become rather than looking within to see who I already was. Finding what you’re good at, I think, is mostly learning to listen to what is in you already rather than what is outside of you in someone else. I realize that greatly over simplifies a very complex process. However, as I’ve aged I’ve become much more comfortable with myself, my limitations and my strengths. I’m able to reject that which doesn’t fit and embrace that which does. I’m still working at it, but I find my life much more often filled with joy than it used to be.
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