Summation
My father-in-law passed away last week. My wife and brother-in-law asked me to share a few words at his memorial service. I found it to be a difficult task, not because I found it hard to think of something to say. I had much to say about this gentle man. He was a man of quiet service, a man of great patience. He demonstrated love for the children of his community, diligently worked to provide for his family, and touched the lives of hundreds of people in positive ways. I found it a difficult task because of the limitations of a memorial service. How does one sum up a man’s 81 years of life in 15 minutes? How could I possibly give him the memorial that was due? I couldn’t.
As I shared my thoughts about my father-in-law I kept thinking, “There is so much more to be said.” However, if everything about his life were told it would take volumes. Each of us, including my father-in-law, are far more than the summation given at a funeral. We are a contradiction of thoughts and ideas. We are histories and experiences whisked together. We are hopes and dreams, laughter and sorrow, success and failure all folded in on one another. We are doubt and faith, genuineness and falsehood. We are lover and hater, helper and hurter. We are incomprehensible to ourselves, much less to others who are rarely privy to our internal worlds.
The memorial service made me wonder what will be said at my death. What will be remembered by my friends and family? How will my life be summed up? Whatever is said will not be complete. It will leave out volumes–thoughts, ideas, failures, secrets, hopes, and more. The depth and value of a human is great, and there are not enough words to paint the correct picture. Therefore, we have to settle for an inadequate summary. That doesn’t mean, however, that we must narrow our memory of the loved one to a few bullet points. Rather, we must hold on to the expansiveness of the life that is beyond summation.
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