Disconnect
Yesterday evening I saw an old friend that I hadn’t talked to much the last couple of years. He and I used to go to the same church. I was part of the church’s staff and he was an active, creative layperson holding leadership and planning positions. My wife and I spent time with him and his wife. We were friends. Then things began to happen in the life of our church that were beyond anyone’s control it seemed. Actions by others in the church deeply hurt dozens of people, including myself. My friend and his wife stopped coming because the pain was too great. Over time he and I disconnected.
I stayed at the church. I told myself, I had little choice because I worked there. I made excuses for people’s behavior, and the ravine between my friends who left the church and me widened. Several months later the church fired me. As my friend and I talked last night, he put words to the pain he still suffers and to the resultant disconnect with friends. I realized it was probably time for me to put words to my pain as well. I haven’t talked much about my job loss in these posts partly because it is too painful and partly because I typically don’t have the words. It’s so much easier to push it into the past and focus on the future which is what I typically try to do.
However, I also need to recognize that I’m angry. The anger has several emotional ingredients–humility, being used and discarded, discounted, and abused. But there is also a huge element of unnecessary loss and grief. My friend and I shared common ideals and hopes. We worked together toward shared ends. When that was ripped from us, the very fabric of our friendship was damaged as well. The result was disengagement, loss of close relationship, and pain. I’m angry and sad that the church is capable of such. I am the loser. My friend is the loser. We are all losers.
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