Rubble
Yesterday, a friend of mine described to me in great detail her Christmas holiday from hell. It included a house full of relatives, strangers, and unexpected guests. She talked about a brother whom she hadn’t seen for six years showing up on her door step. She mentioned an automobile accident and a nightmarish family trip with the whole “gang,” including those who just showed up without an invitation. Conflict reigned as personalities clashed. However, the worse part was when her own child, now a young man, rejected the gifts chosen especially for him as “not what he wanted.” He was belligerent, ungrateful, and demanding. She and her husband, who had put so much time and effort into trying to make this a wonderful Christmas for their son and family, were devastated.
Perhaps you are appalled at such behavior by a grown child. It never ceases to startle me, yet I come in contact with families often through my job who live with children like this everyday. We experience it in my own home. These young people, that the parents love dearly, refuse to accept the free love available to them. Often there is a mental illness involved. The children simply don’t have the capacity to love as we desire to be loved by them. Other times, the behavior is due to selfishness or meanness–what we used to refer to as sin. The difficulty for these parents is that it is practically impossible to separate the behavioral and emotional disorders from conscious defiance. The story of my friend’s Christmas is typical for these families every month of the year.
Amazingly, like my friend, many parents of these children continue to love their children. They continue to reach out to them. And they repeatedly have their heart ripped out and trampled upon. The daily anguish leaves a huge hole in their lives that seems impossible to repair. Those who deal with these issues walk around in the rubble of destroyed relationships constantly. They love their children too much to let them go even when the child doesn’t seem to have the capacity to return that love. After each destructive event, these parents begin again the weary business of rebuilding damaged relationships. Then, just when we think they are put back together, they come crashing down again. But the love never ceases.
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