Illuminating Depths
You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t written anything on this blog for three weeks. I know that consistent posting really is important if I expect people like you to stop by my website regularly. In practice, though, it’s not always easy for me to do that. I can blame interference from work and family obligations, but we all know that if we truly want to do something badly enough, we will find the time to do it. The problem seems to be much more illusive than the obvious. For the past few weeks, I have simply had little to say. I have had these bouts with un-creativity in the past. It’s as if all that comes out is trite and worthless. I begin to wonder why I’m doing this at all, and why anyone would want to read what I have to say.
In the past, when these periods of barrenness have affected me, it has been a clue that there are issues I need to address within me–something spiritual, emotional, or psychological–an unconscious cancerous growth that has somehow formed a blockade to insight and productivity. Until I do the hard work of addressing these hidden issues directly and honestly, I will continue to live on the surface with little insight into the depths of my being. A writer is incapable of writing anything worthwhile unless he or she is willing to do the hard work of mining the gold that is hidden in the dark caverns of the soul.
I’m not certain what my inward struggle is at this point, but I have a few clues. I had a recurring dream last night, one that has flowed from my unconscious many times over several years. The dream itself is always slightly different, but the theme is the same. I am enrolled in some school and the semester is drawing to a close. Suddenly, I’ve discovered a major project I haven’t done, a book I haven’t read, or even that I have forgotten to go to class for the entire semester and can’t even remember where the class meets. It’s a dream that tells me much about my fears and perhaps my misplaced values. Perhaps it holds a clue to why I cannot write.
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