Talk to God About Your Anger
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How can yelling at God be a demonstration of our love toward God? Well, that’s not exactly what I’m saying. There have been times I yelled my anger at God, but I don’t think I was necessarily showing any love. There is a difference between talking to God about our anger and spewing our anger toward God.
Many books on relational conflict specify the importance of using “I” messages when talking to someone else about our anger. It’s one thing to be in touch with our anger and want the other party to understand where we are coming from. It’s something quite different to point out someone else’s faults and lay blame at their feet.
Notice the difference in these two approaches to God.
Approach #1
I hate you, God. You didn’t answer my prayer. You let my loved one suffer and die. You could have taken away her pain, but you didn’t. Because you didn’t intervene, she experienced prolonged agony. In the end, you let her die. It is your fault. You are not a God of love.
Approach #2
I’m feeling anger toward you, God. I feel like you didn’t hear anything I said to you about my loved one who was suffering. I don’t understand why you let her suffer for so long. I loved her and didn’t want her to die. Now I’m hurting and miss her and want to blame you for allowing this to happen. This experience makes me wonder about how much you love us.
Both statements communicate anger and hurt. The first, however, lays blame at God’s feet. It spews forth disappointment and attacks the very character of God. The second statement, on the other hand, focuses on why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. It takes the time to get in touch with personal emotions and thoughts.
I think God is offended when we express our anger in the first approach. Inappropriate anger blames God for the problem as if God caused it in order to make us miserable. In this scenario, God is placed in a position to defend what has happened. God becomes an adversary.
Conversely, I think God is pleased when we relate from the second approach. To share our hurt and pain in an honest, non-attacking way opens the door for us to hear God. In this scenario, God is no longer an adversary. Instead of blaming, we are asking for God’s help to understand.
When someone I love yells and screams at me words like, “I hate you,” I become defensive. Nothing I can say can alter that opinion, and the possibilities of open communication are limited. However, when someone I love comes to me and says, “I feel anger toward you right now and want to try to understand what you’ve done,” then there is the possibility for an honest (though difficult) conversation in which we might both grow to understand better.
When someone comes to me in a non-threatening way taking responsibility for his or her feelings rather than blaming, then they are demonstrating their desire to make the relationship work. They are saying, “I care enough about you and our relationship to work this out.” That is love.
When we approach God taking responsibility for our emotions and seeking understanding, I believe God receives that overture as an act of love. As such, God responds in gentleness and compassion.
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