When Should I Confess?
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In my spiritual journey, I have taken several different approaches to the timing of my confessions.
First, I have used the delay tactic. This approach is founded on the assumption that if we delay our confession, God will not be as angry with us as God would be if we admit the sin immediately. By delaying our confession we give ourselves time to “fix” whatever mistake we’ve made. Then, we can go before God as a “better, more deserving” child.
I can think of several incidents in recent years when one of my sons, who are now young adults, shared with me something they did when they were children. These are usually tales of escapades gone wrong, of dangerous activity or destructive behavior. The conversation goes something like this.
Dad, did I ever tell you about the time I . . . ?
No, I had no idea you did that. Why didn’t you tell me then?
Are you kidding? You would have been so mad at me I wouldn’t have been able to leave my room for a month.
What makes you think I’m not angry now.
Because I’ve changed. I wouldn’t do something that stupid now.
I’ve had the same type conversations with God in which I confess things I did long ago. I reasoned that the offense was now water under the bridge, and God wouldn’t think of punishing me or finding fault with me. What I fail to remember, however, is that God knows about the offense the moment I do it. By delaying, I’m not keeping anything from God.
The other wrong thinking related to this tactic is that I assume God will punish me if I confess my sin immediately. I assume that God will respond with anger as I would have with my own children. I have to remind myself that God is a loving forgiving God. God is not pleased with inappropriate thoughts and behavior, but when we confess those, God forgives.
Second, I have used the daily approach. This is the approach that assumes that since I am an imperfect person, I must have done at least one thing wrong the day before. Therefore, when I have my quiet time with God in the morning, it is necessary for me to ask for forgiveness.
This approach borders on superstition. That is, if I forget to confess my sins (whether I can think of any particular sins or not), then I assume that my relationship with God is still broken and therefore God will not respond to my prayers. It’s like the general confession opens a magic door that allows me to enter into the presence of God. If I don’t confess, I’m doomed to have an awful day.
Can you imagine this conversation with one of your children.
Dad, I’m sorry for what I did wrong yesterday?
What did you do wrong, son?
I don’t know, but I’m sure I must have done something.
If your child said this once, you might think it was cute. If he did it every single day for years, you would grow weary of it and begin to think he was insincere. I think it is the same with God. If you are not aware of something you’ve done that hurts God, then don’t confess. Allow God, through the Holy Spirit, to reveal things to you that need confessing. I think it’s fine to pray, “God, show me things that need changing in my life,” then trust God to do that. There is no need to make up stuff.
Third, is the immediate strategy. You knew I was leading up to this approach, didn’t you? As in any relationship, when we do something that hurts God or hurts someone else, we should immediately own up to that wrong and confess it. Obviously, that assumes you are aware of what you have done. When I speak of immediate confession I’m talking about confession that immediately follows our awareness of sin.
Often, in the middle of a hectic day, I don’t have time to reflect on my thoughts and behavior. Therefore, I think it’s necessary for us to take time every day–morning or evening–to slow down, meditate, and reflect. Give God the opportunity to show you what needs fixing. Many days God will show me something I need to confess, but many other days God says to me, “I’m proud of you. I love you. Your righteousness thrills me.” Confess when you need to. Rejoice when you don’t.
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